The Christmas frenzy is over, and the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly are sitting back surveying our Christmas plunder. Only a few days ago, the house was ablaze with Christmas lights, and the rafters were echoing with Christmas delight. Now, much to my delight, quietness is tiptoeing through our house.
Why is it that something as wonderful as Christmas takes so long to prepare and goes by so quickly? As it stands today, there are only 360 more days until the next Christmas. I do not think I have enough time to get ready to do this all over again.
However, the countdown begins. With the odd chance that something can be done, I propose that we celebrate Christmas every even year because of so many odd years in my life.
In surveying my Christmas plunder, several thoughts, like sugarplums, are dancing in my head. The primary thought is simply, what am I going to do with all these gifts? I have enough gifts to last me the rest of my life if I live to be 100. Of course, if I live to be 110, I may need another gift.
My gifts range in several categories.
In the first category, there is aftershave, cologne and deodorant. Obviously, those who know me the best think I stink. The first thing that comes to their mind when they think of me is the Bible verse, “by now he stinketh” (John 11:39). At least they are biblical.
I just would like everybody to know that come Saturday night, regular as clockwork, and I take a bath whether I need it or not. I would give you that I need it more than I don’t. The best time to sniff me is Sunday morning, fresh from my Saturday night shower and after I have doused myself with my Christmas cologne. Apart from that, I give no guarantees.
I am tempted, for some family function, to douse myself with every brand of aftershave and cologne I have received as Christmas presents. Maybe somebody will get the hint that I have enough.
The second category of Christmas Promotional Items is clothing. This covers a large area… I’m a big man. Two sizes are associated with the Christmas clothing I get each year. Either they are too small or too big. None of my relatives knows me that well.